Welcoming 2010

2009 started out with me realizing the following:

“Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something.”
-Henry David Thoreau

In my quest to live deliberately, I have been missing out actually living.  There’s only so much deliberateness I can take before I start living by my own set of morals, rather than my creed.  I’ve developed a myopic sense of the world, and I only know this because I’ve been actively opening up to the world more.

Yes, 2009 brought many opportunities for me to take action and be in the world, rather than sit back and reflect upon it.   One particularly bright spot was that I moved to a new apartment in an historic 3-story Victorian house.  It’s the largest place I’ve ever lived in… I have a main floor which is the equivalent size of my last apartment, then I have a downstairs area which is the size of the entry way, living room and parlor.  This apartment is also the first residence that I have carte blanche to paint the walls.  Another highpoint was that my best friend stayed with me for about a month and we were able to spend Thanksgiving together.  In the over 25 years we’ve been friends, it was the only holiday we’ve never spent together.

There were several low points during 2009… the local non-profit community creative arts school, where I worked, closed its doors indefinitely.  It was very stressful for me because I got caught in a tenuous position.  Let’s just say the simple version is that the board acted in a dysfunctional manner, the executive director stopped enabling them, and the board made some decisions that many in the community see as shortsighted and irresponsible.  When the dust cleared, I was the only staff member working there and the board assumed I knew how to run the entire organization.  I learned a lot about how non-profits operate (actually, how they should not operate).  Most importantly, I was able to set & keep my personal boundaries so that I didn’t get caught in the crossfire that transpired.

My college experience last year evened out… the highest high and the lowest low canceled out each other.  I will say that it all went very fast and I expanded my mind.  I did realize through it all that I need to improve my time management skills.  I only have 10 classes left to complete and I will graduate May 2012.  I am past the point of no return and can see the end of the tunnel quite clearly.  I’m looking forward graduation.

I welcome more opportunities to develop and grow during 2010.  February 14th marks the beginning of the Year of the Tiger.  My personal expectations for a fabulous year are high, since I was born in the Year of the Tiger, yet I am open and flexible as events transpire.

Next post:  2010 Determinations

I’m back!!!

I’m finally feeling well again, after my breakdown and hospitalization in March.  It can take up to a year to heal from such experiences.  I had to take a leave of absence from school in the spring, but I did take an art course this fall.  It was the most cathartic thing I’ve done in a long time… and I excelled!  Unfortunately, taking on 1 class completely messed me up with financial aid. 

Yes, it seems that Sallie Mae, colleges and universities make it hard on people with disabilities.  The Catch-22 of it all is that I have bipolar disorder and have recurring episodes of the illness which affects my abilities to be in school, but neither Sallie Mae nor schools take this into consideration in regards to financial aid and paying back loans.  It is an across-the-board requirements, with absolutely no exceptions, that a student must be enrolled part-time and matriculating at least half the credits of a normal load, or else you do not get aid AND you are no longer in deferment (so you’ve got to also pay back on all loans).  In my case, that means I have to take at least 2 classes in order to be eligible for aid.  However, I can’t always take 2 classes because of my illness.  There are forms you can fill out to get a deferment (for various reasons), but those forms as complicated as the government can make them.  In the meantime, I’ve been able to avoid the situation for as long as possible but I do have to face the music soon… Sallie Mae has been calling me and I know they want a payment.

As far as living delibrately goes, I find myself doing this habitually.  I’ve woven this trend into my approach with managing my illness and everything else I do that it has truly become a way of life.  Thankfully too, I practice Nichiren Buddhism and I have regular therapy appointments in which I am constantly exercising my ability to be mindful.  Through this, I am feeling the oneness of myself and my environment more than ever.  I no longer feel “broken” and the reflection of myself that I see in others is more positive than I could have ever imagined.  I am reaping the benefits of chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo.  I absolutely feel that I’m in the right time and space to grow and succeed.

I have had company since the late summer.  My best friend is going through yet another life transforming experience (a euphemism for being unemployed and living with friends) so while she’s doing her soul searching, I’m taking care of her 2 cats, Starbuck & Buddha.  They are darlings, but it does take its toll on me sometimes.  They’ve put me on a feeding schedule so I am no longer allowed to sleep late and I’m sequestered to be at home before 6pm.  Starbuck likes constant attention… he can sleep in my arms for hours at a time while I’m trying to work on my computer.  Buddha is more mellow, but he has his moments of neediness… he likes to snuggle in bed with me and has the most demanding meow I’ve ever heard.  Then there’s the litterbox… my least favorite job.  I do love their company though.  They have reminded me that love is supreme and a connection to others is necessary.  I will keep them for as long as my friend needs them to be with me.

Well, I don’t have to tell anyone times are tough all over.  The world is feeling the pocketbook pinch, and I am no exception.  I have been able to maintain my frugal existence, but my savings were decimated by the purchase of a new clutch in September.  I had hoped to purchase a washer & dryer with that money, but it will have to wait until I build up my cash reserve again.  Through these tough times though, I have sacrificed much… I do not carry cash because I know I spend it heedlessly; I heat my home with 1 ceramic tower heater to save on utilities since I live alone and electricity is cheaper than gas; I go to campus and community events which serve refreshments and carry food storage bags to take home leftovers; I’m reduced to shopping at Wal-Mart and Dollar Stores for many of my staples; I have on many occasions disclosed that I’m a starving student living on a fixed income.  However I have gained wisdom and fortitude because I am deliberately practicing the frugality I preach.  I have been able to keep to my budget and/or been satisfied to “do without” in order to keep to my goals.  Most of all, I do all of this with appreciation… I know I receive more than most living on Social Security disability and I have a responsibility not to squander my good fortune.

I’ll sign off for now, but I will be writing more in future.

checking in

I haven’t kept up this blog because I’ve been going through a lot of personal changes which has somewhat interfered with me living as deliberately as I wish.  I have recently gone through another earth-shaking experience and am back on the road to recovery.  I must take things day-by-day, and not become too ambitious, but with my faith in & practice of Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism, I will be victorious and figure out how to get back to blogging here.  Thanks for reading!

frugal travel

I’m traveling to NYC later this month.  Fortunately, my family and my best friend live there so I don’t have to worry about paying for accommodations, but I will have expenses.  I’m saving a significant amount of money on travel this year — instead of taking the bus down to the city, I’m going to drive to a Metro North station and take the train in. 

There is a very convenient bus that travels twice a day, to & from NYC, and the bus stop is just 10-15 minutes from my house.  However, it costs $80 roundtrip and it drops you off at Port Authority.  Don’t get me wrong, Port Authority is a great hub for transportation and it’s definitely gotten better since I lived in the city, but it’s not my favorite place.  The train is only going to cost me $16.16 roundtrip (I get a discount for being disabled and I bought my ticket online)  plus whatever it will cost me for the gas to drive down (which is probably about $10 to $15 more, depending where I buy my gas).  It will cost me $3.75 per day to park my car at the station, but the parking company doesn’t charge for weekends so this will cost less than I originally thought.  I’m also planning on purchasing a 7-day Metro card so I can get around the city easily.  The cost of transportation for this entire trip is equal to the cost that roundtrip bus ticket!

Since I will be continuing to live simply, wisely & deliberately, I’ve decided to pack lightly for this trip.  I’ve been accused in the past of over packing… and the thought of me trying to wheel my carry-on suitcase up & down those stairs in the subway just pains me!  I want to be able to pack & carry everything, including my laptop, in my laptop messenger bag.  (It’s a weekender-sized pink & black bag that I bought last year from ebags.com — unfortunately they no longer carry that bag, but they have two bags which have characteristics of my bag.)  To help me, I went to a great website called OneBag.com.  The give a lot of tips on how to travel lightly, and I found a diagram on how to pack efficiently.  I will not be traipsing about with a heavy load this year!  By the way, I will be taking baking soda & vinegar with me instead of the many health & beauty products I have packed for trips in the past. 

I haven’t decided what I’m going to do about the other expenses for my trip.  I’ll probably eat out more than usual, and I’m not sure if I will be able to resist a bargain, even if I am not intending to shop in NYC.  I’m planning on using part of my food budget this month to cover my trip.  My pantry is relatively well stocked, so I don’t think I’ll need to spend as much on food this month.  I have money in my savings account if I get in a pinch (not that I want to spend it though).

Hey, if you don’t know this already know this, there’s a website where you can find gas prices in North America (USA & Canada).  The parent site is called GasBuddy.com — from that site you can then go to your state or province and get the latest gas prices… thanks to the members of the site who report their area’s prices.  The site has it’s drawbacks though — I live in a tri-state area and it’s not convenient to easily go back & forth between states.  Also, I became a member of my state’s site but, if I want to contribute to the database for another state, I have to become a member there too.  There’s a complicated point system as well, and points don’t transfer between states.  If you just want to look up prices, but not contribute, it’s a great site to visit.

Btw, I did go shopping the other day… I bought only what I had to and spent the rest of my time gathering data for my pricebook.